My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize