Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
