He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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