I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
