If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
