i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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