it's like iHOP with fire
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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