he thought i was a dude.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
