Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
