Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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