The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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