Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
