The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
