Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
