I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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