I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
