Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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