This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
