Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize