i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
