it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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