I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The struggles of a small town man whore
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
