Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
