:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
