Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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