Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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