Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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