I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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