did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
