The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
