I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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