Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
