So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
