before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
