I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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