No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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