I wish I could punch you in the face.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
