one might say we're banned from that church
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I want her autograph on my taint
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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