Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
