I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
