I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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