Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
