My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Pants are for mortals
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
