the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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