At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
