Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
