when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
