he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
