Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
