Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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