Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
