Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
