fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
