no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
