I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
