how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
