Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i think im in europe. pls send help
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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